Tomorrow after church I meet with whoever wants to start getting ready for our mission trip in July in Peru helping the Masks to start a new church plant. It has been a long time since I have  served over seas. I would be lying if I said I was not excited. But I find these days I am easily excited about all I’m doing. Life church is going full throttle and I am finding If I don’t keep my schedule well planned the now needs will eat my time up. I am having to remember to put aside times of rest and times that are Jacoby’s and Shawna’s alone void of technology. Ron is so supportive as he watches his wife walk out the door to met with people , work my second job as a chaplain for Market Place or go to another meeting. meeting.

He is working killer hours during the week. He goes to work at 7:00am gets home some times at 9:00pm. He comes in looking like death warmed over. I am a blessed women for a husband who loves God, desires to take care of his family and loves his wife.  Could I ask for more…no! Thirty one years and he still has not grown tired of me. Man I’m blessed!

We both feel  a little fried right now so we have decide that we need time away and fun being a kid without kids. The house by all promises closing happens next week. Walking in the old house empty except memories is still a little overwhelming. Blessing to the new owners.

So we will have a little bit of money and off to Disneyworld just the two of us without kids. Christmas open the present s eat dinner and off we go.

Ministry wise I have a big assignment. Start a ministry to the poor, rehab small group, jail ministry, foster care summer camp and a mission trip.  Plus miscellaneous all church outreaches. Some of this I have had a lot of experience , some of this a little experience. All of it is my heart. To reach hurting people with the Love of Christ and the life changing gospel. Wow! So cool! Thank you Lord!

Fun, exciting, boy I’m tired! Mickey Mouse beam me up!  When Pastor Brad appointed me to this my attitude was ok, that might be good. I never really understood how much of this was my calling and hearts desire. Thanks God and Pastor Brad!

Merry Christmas to all of you my friends!

Over the years I have heard many names from onlookers who observed our children and our household. “ Saints”, “ self –giving”, “remarkable,” “God sees you and he will reward you.” Anybody that really knows us know we are none of that, just parents trying to raise and disciple children the best way we can.

We are children of God who have claimed to have their Father God’s heart and have seen the world for a second through his eyes. Nothing more nothing less.  People who have denied my children medical treatments, or wheelchairs have even less of flowery things to say about me. I hate fighting for my kids rights but I will not stand for them to denying things to make their lives better.

But on the end of the day we are the blessed ones getting to raise such wonderful kids. I am a blessed woman. I have a God that loves me enough that he taught me to see the world a little differently. I am a blessed women, who God allowed me to meet and marry a man who see the world the same way I do. Yet,  he  has the strength and understanding that I can’t mother all the world’s  forgotten children. So he has the strength to desire the will of God and to tell me no at God’s appointed times in our lives. I have wonderfully imperfect kids that He has allowed me to love, yell at, cry for on my knees in prayer, and have visions for their futures which sees no limitations.

We are joining a new church plant with people young enough they could be my kids. Learning how to talk about ministry with a younger terminology and how to function on staff with blending job talents and responsibilities to form a team.

Middle age is not the time to stop doing something for God. Of course we have been “crazy” most of our lives. We have adopted seven kids, many with special needs. We have literally sold everything we owned except the clothes on our back and moved to Namibia, Africa, only to come home almost two years latter with  two additional kids, then announced we were moving to Alabama.

I say we are blessed. We have crawled into God’s lap and seen the would through his eyes and He changed us forever. Someone recently told me “you are not supposed to birth children in your fifties. Why no? Sarah did it and it turned out pretty good. If birthing ministries and churches is wrong then half on the men and women who listened to the leading of God in their old ages and God worked miracles in their behalf were also wrong. God does not do thing that are ever normal to the word. After all did Mary not give birth and still was a virgin?

I am the bless one who gets the pleasure of living the dream. I am a 52 year old women who has the pleasure of raising remarkable disabled children, with one remarkable husband, who loves God and me. We are selling our old house and have moved to be better positioned so we can help start a church that is targeting a younger group of people I could have given birth too. It’s not us, it’s only because we took a quick peek into the Father;s eyes and we were forever changed.

It has been over a year since Cyndi, Keshon and  Monique went to live with their Savior, Lord and best friend Jesus Christ. I am thankful today because they get to spend forever with the one who brings total healing and restoration . While I rejoice in their new position, I would be lying to say there are not days after days I achingly miss them. A year ago our world came crashing in around us. All I could see and feel was a deafening scream that came deeply from my soul. I had the underline peace that Jesus had them but the weight of my daughters and my first grandson being ripped from my aching arms for a mother feels like you have been dumped in the middle of an ocean then instructed to swim back to land. As months have passed, healing oil has washed over my broken heart I found thankfulness was the only thing left.

So today in the middle of my feasting with my husband and remaining six adult children, Ron and I stopped to place flowers on Cyndi, Monique and Ketone’s graves. I have learned so much this year. I have never been much of a crier. This year has taught me to to cry. This year has taught me how to crawl into my Father’s lap and feel a loving comfort. I have never felt this depth of his love before. The dust is now settling  and  a joyful thankfulness is arising. Thankful that God chose me to love and mother two little girls, born of drug addicted parents, abused by some of their foster parents and labeled unadoptable by social services. God saw two precious children and honored us with the special  position  of serving as their parents and raising them.  What a great joy and honor that God had appointed us to do.

We had the joy to watch very broken children be healed by love. Then grow up to be wonderful young women who loved Jesus with all their hearts.  This Thanksgiving I am very thankful. I am thankful and proud of my all my children and thankful that God in his infinite mercy chose Ron and I to parent some very incredible children and watch them all turn into adults.

Thank you God for my wonderful husband and children!

How are you?” Referring to emotionally after the death of Cyndi and Keshon. I have been busy. I knew August was next week. The start almost slipped by me. The Calendar has been busy; I was not going to get into this frame of mind until the 22^nd. I was talking to one of Cyndi’s friends yesterday who is getting ready to move out of the area to college. Randomly she turned and said, “I still can’t believe she is gone….I still miss her.” All I could think was, random,  why did she say that, because of Cyndi’s birthday just passing?

I get it now it is August. I got a call from Marlon’s Mom (Cyndi’s husband asking how we were? Random I thought! No it is August.

Has it really been a year, so soon?

Are we healed? No

Are we still hurting? Yes

Are we bleeding? No

Are we farther along in the whole process? I think so.

Do we still love God? Yes

Do we still trust him? Yes

Do we understand this? Not Completely

Are we different? Yes

Do we love God? Yes

I do not know how people get through death without Jesus. Our hope, faith and knowledge lay in the truth of seeing the face of Jesus and with that my two beautiful daughters and my Grandson. However, the daily walking through the grief and the honest truth is we miss them more than we could ever fathom.

As we continue to go through the years I do not think this will ever change. But the tears are less, the joys are more and we walking out of this tunnel still staggering but stronger in many ways. We know the God we serve and we know he loves us. He does not bring the tears, he brings comfort and joy.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. … Psalm 126:5b